FOURLEGS COMMUNIQUE : 4 : I Hate Hearts

– “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” The wise words of the great Soren Kierkegaard were never so true. But muse on.

– For at the same time we must remember that to constantly cast our eyes back to blush is to trip on our laces. We must keep ourselves tied or we succumb to despair. The saying remains thus – workers of the world unite, *not* untie.

– Total consumption of regret blinds the individual, blows soot in his spectacles.

– The primary problem with beautiful women is that they have either have boyfriends, or girlfriends, or husbands, or civil partners…or taste.

– The glass is neither half full nor half empty, but of course –  Full empty.

– Shoot the bastards with a forgiveness bullet. That’s a six barreled Jeebus. And as for bullets from guns, keep the City of God close to your heart (in this case I mean not Tolstoy’s metaphor- ‘The Kingdom of God is within you,’ but rather the actual book by St. Augustine. That volume is fucking thick).

– Dan ‘the lover’ Cove cannot pronounce the word ‘bullet.’ This is amusing to me.

– As we are patronised into ever increasing legal hurdles to boozing while an aging population expands, I suggest a two fold solution – Identity-Teeth. Identi-teef. We shall use dentures as a form of ID. Can I see some proof of age sir? Why of course, *pops* out gums. Onwards.

– I have been saying it for seven years, and I simply still maintain that I will only work with feminists in floral skirts.

– It is incredible how overused the word ‘awesome’ is. What is *it* in awe of if not the Great Unknown, or God, or Love?

– Good ginger ladies must be wed under the scorching sun. For it is better to marry than burn. Or is that marry *and* burn. Hmm. I will have to rethink this one. Dan ‘the lover’ Cove tells me Summer is their freckly rutting season. This is amusing to me.

– I was once despondently sat drinking in a south Bristol park with another maudlin plumknee boy, (who shall remain nameless to protect his identi-teef) and was approached by a vibrant wee lad. This excitable child was mocking us on account of our painted clothes and silly hair. He continued to compare me to some no doubt repulsive character from a soap opera. I apologised that I didn’t know the person in question to which the kid retorted, “What??! You haven’t got a TV??” Clambering to justify my meager existence I replied that while I didn’t, I did have my own flat and job and that afterall- it’s not what’s in your wallet but what’s in your heart that counts, right? The 21st century youth snarled back, “Urrgh. I hate hearts.” The next day I purchased myself an oversized Television, and…I felt better.

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