– What the hell is my pint doing in your mouth?

– Sometimes it is worth thinking about what is *under* discussion.

– Do not try to antagonise, try to open eyes.

– I know I’m drunk but I’m sure I’m right.

– For the first read of a book you are merely reading yourself if you intend not to think on or read it further.

– For the first fuck of a woman you are merely fucking yourself, (in more ways than one) if you intend not to enter the relationship and give yourself further. Marry. Marry. Marry.

– ‘I like your face though it would look better on my cock,” is not an appropriate chat up line.

– ‘You seem to have dropped my number…(slide business card across the table), and my jaw (pop open jaw. pop!)‘ on the other hand is just fine.

– What came first the tattoo or the tattoo removal clinic? Answer- The pub.

– Help! Help! I’m *being* depressed. What a give away.

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